Sometimes children act exactly the way you want them to. They clean their rooms. They do schoolwork without any whining. They eat all of their food at dinner without being told to 50 gazillion times. Life is peachy!

Then other times, they don’t seem to want to do anything except the opposite of what you want them to do. They want to complain about having to help clean the house. They don’t want to help take in groceries or put them away. They don’t want to just do their math so they would rather sit there for 30 minutes crying about it instead of just spending the 5 minutes it would have taken to get it done. I’m sure this is not just my kids that do this, is it???

See, for those of you who know my crew, you probably don’t even believe that they do this. The truth is, I have a not-so-secret to getting them to do what I want them to do. Do you want to know what it is? I’ll fill you in: BRIBERY!

Yes, I believe in bribing my kids to do things I want them to do that they should be doing. But here’s the thing – isn’t life like that in general? Don’t we do the things we don’t want to because of what happens after? We eat healthy because we like the results. We put up our clothes because we like to find what we’re looking for and for it to not be too wrinkled. We go to work because we like to get paid. We don’t call those benefits bribery, but it’s a similar concept in my mind. We do the things we don’t want to because of what we’ll get out of it, right? We like the rewards. See…same thing.

So when my kids are not wanting to help bring in groceries after our weekly shopping trip, that’s fine. They just don’t get to watch whatever show we watch when we turn one on after the groceries are put away while I make lunch. They would sit in their bed. They don’t want to eat an acceptable amount of their dinner? Then no dessert (which is cantaloupe here). They don’t want to even try to start potty training? Then they don’t get the prize for going.

To be honest, Sophie (age 9) has mastered this art of bribery as well. She gets her little brothers to do things she wants them to (nothing serious so no worries!) by bribing them. She promises them a surprise if they do things she thinks they should. She’s usually right in them doing something they should, by the way. She’s not coercing them into evil deeds or anything so I let it continue. One example is that she’ll promise a surprise if Atticus tries to say what he’s being asked to during his speech therapy sessions. :)

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some things need to be done without reward. They put up their clothes because it’s what they should do. They clean up around their seats at the table after every meal because it’s teaching them to take responsibility for their messes. They make their beds in the mornings because it’s a good habit to be in, in my opinion. I don’t bribe them in everything to do the things they should. Just in some things, or to get them moving in the right direction so that when they associate it with something positive like a reward, then they’ll be more likely to do it next time.

One thing to note: do make sure that you follow through. Don’t tell them if they do something then they’ll get a reward then give it whether they do it or not. It is so hard to not give them the reward, but they need to learn that you mean what you say. If they give a good effort to the best of their ability but need help, then that counts for me. I don’t want to discourage them.

So the next time your child doesn’t want to help you clean up? Well, then bribe them with something you don’t mind giving as a reward if they do it. Does this work for you? Is bribery in your parenting philosophy? Please tell me we are not the only ones!